Saturday, November 3, 2012

A pinch of hurt, a hint of pain and the sting of truth


credits to: http://www.alonequotes.net/2012/09/sad-alone-girl-in-love-quotes.html
  
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I FELL FOR YOU.

The world will know it. And you will too.

It’s going to be impossible to see you in a different light from now on. I can pretend that everything is okay. I can laugh and smile. But the laughter will be hollow, and the smile empty.

You can rephrase and repeat the reasons why. You can apologize a thousand times if you want.

What I don’t understand is how.

If I matter so much, how can you hurt me without preamble?

If you want to be a significant part of my life, how can you wait for me to fall for you?

See, the letting go part I get. Maybe because I figured it will happen eventually.

What I don’t understand is this: How can someone claim to make you happy and never hurt you and then make you feel so guilty for falling for them?

I am mad. And I do hate you. I really do.

Because if we just stuck with the plan of being friends this would have never happened.

I hate you. But I hate myself too.

I hate myself for hoping we could have been something greater than what we already were.

And maybe you’re right, I have so much to learn and maybe the way I love is wrong and immature. But this is how I love. This is how I am. I always give everything because I don’t want to have any regrets in the end. And maybe it’s wrong to do that but I can’t change the way I love people. It’s either they accept it or they don’t. You didn’t. That was your choice.

What pains me is you changed everything I believed in. You didn’t give me the chance to fight for you. And maybe that’s what breaks me. That I couldn’t show you how much I can be worth the risk. That maybe if you took a leap of faith with me it could be different. You didn’t give me the chance to give my all. And that’s what saddens me.

She is lucky.

To have someone who can let go of someone else for her. I’m envious because I’ve never had someone leave someone else for me. But hopefully, they never have to. Because being left behind is the worst feeling anyone can ever experience. And she’s lucky she doesn’t have to go through the same thing I’m going through.

You want to make things right. And I’m the wrong part of your life.

You don’t want to make a mistake. And I’m the mistake you had to weed out.

You don’t want me to be part of your life. I guess the feeling is mutual now.

I’ve never met someone who could put me that low. And maybe I deserve all those words so I can see my worth. I just can’t reconcile the thought that someone so close to me can become a total stranger. I feel like I’ve cared for someone I have never met.

You ask too much of me. I am strong but I’m not stone.

You said sorry so many times so let me give you mine.

I’m sorry but I will never forgive you.

I’m sorry but I will never be happy for you.

I’m sorry but we can never be good friends like you asked.

I’m sorry but you can never be part of my life, not anymore.

The minute you asked me to let you go, you lost me. And you can never have me back. Not even as a friend. Never.

And yes I am bitter. And I will always be, maybe because I have so many “what if’s” that will not be answered.

But this is what you want, even if you tell me it isn’t, this is how it should end. You asked me to walk away; you’re getting everything you asked for. Good for you.

I want to end this by saying I’ll be over you, and that I’ll be stronger and better, but I’d be lying to myself. Right now I’m a wreck and maybe I will be for a while. But that’s part of what I got myself into.

I love you.

I never had the chance to say it. Maybe I didn’t want to scare you away. We were hanging on a thin thread and I didn’t want things to break because of those three words. I guess I didn’t have to. We were already broken in the first place. Ironic isn’t it?

 

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